If it wasn’t for bad luck, i wouldn’t have any luck at all.

So I haven’t written here in quite a long while. Call me lazy or uninspired, or it could be the fact I had a baby…..or lazy. Anyhow, this isn’t really a tale or crazy story, but is about the run of bad luck I have had in the past 6 months. It is almost unbelievable, and mostly out of my control. I was thinking about it this morning, and I realized that not only have I had some shitty things happen, but I am really lucky to be alive, and in one piece. With that realization, I decided that I would write this all down as a way to hopefully purge the ancient curse that was laid upon me when I violated that Mayan tomb a few years back. I mean, people are always cursing you for stealing monkey paws or ancient treasure, but you shrug it off as shit talk, but maybe I should have listened to the old, drunken man at the mouth of that mystical cave in Belize.

So where to start?

Well, I got a new job writing for a company that seemed really promising. I was doing well, really enjoyed the job and all was well with the world. Then, seemingly, with no warning I get called into the boss’s office.  This is not the first time I have been let go from a job, and as soon as I walked in I knew. They sat me down and said,

“We don’t think this is going to work out. We believe you duped us in the interview process. We thought we were getting a more of a senior writer and you are clearly a junior writer.”

Of course I was stunned. No one said a fucking thing to me about any sort of negative job performance issues up to this point. I asked them for specifics.

Me: I don’t know what you are talking about? I haven’t had any complaints, if I was doing something wrong, why didn’t you come to me and give me a chance to improve?

Asshole HR Lady: Oh come on, this isn’t a surprise, you knew.

Me: Knew what? I don’t understand where any of this is coming from. I really think I deserve a chance to improve upon whatever it is that you see as lacking, and you still haven’t told me what I did wrong besides some vague insults about my writing ability.

Asshole HR Lady That I Would Now Like To Strangle: Just the fact that you say you can improve shows us that you haven’t been putting your best foot forward, so we feel we should part ways.

There was some more back and forth where I tried to plead my case, but in the end I was let go. I am still not exactly sure what happened and never did get a straight answer, but alas, I had lost another job. This of course was super upsetting to my wife and I. My wife took it especially hard, because she has been working full time, and in school full time, with a newborn baby and was finally getting some relief now that I was back working a full time job. I am minimizing it here, but as you can imagine, it caused all sorts of problems, from financial worries, to a major strain on our relationship. I don’t need to get into the nitty gritty of it, but it was bad. Real bad, and real stressful.

So, bad luck. Maybe not bad luck. Maybe I am a bad writer, or a poor employee or I have deep-seated problems that keep me form holding down a job? I don’t mean to turn myself into a punching bag here, but I’ve lost more than a few jobs. So this was shitty. Especially because I really liked the job and I thought I was doing well.

Luckily for me I had briefly had a job at a restaurant with some friends just before accepting this new job and they happily took me back. It isn’t ideal, but I am making money and working, and the people I work with are awesome, so that is a plus.

Fast forward a month or so. I am driving home from my restaurant job, which I am grateful to have at this point. I am about two miles from my house and out of the corner of my eye I spy I HUGE FUCKING SUV. Normally, in the good ol’ USA this wouldn’t be a surprise, but this SUV happens to be barreling through a stop sign and headed straight for me.

I brace for the impact, slam on my brakes, realize that I am going about 45 and that I also don’t have health insurance and the fucker is going to hit the drivers side door, where I am currently seated. I won’t lie. I was fucking scared. Really, really scared. I honestly thought in those few seconds, I am not walking away from this, this is going to be bad.

I’ve been in a few accidents and it is strange the clarity that you have in those second before impact. All was quiet except for the word “oh shit” forming on my lips. But it was almost like a movie, where I could see myself saying the words, but there was no sound. I thought of my wife, and my baby and hoped that I would be ok because I really don’t want my child to grow up without a father. Then the collision.

Airbags go off. Chemicals fill the air. The deafening sound of steel on steel. I hear a voice choking, and after a few seconds I realize it is my own voice that I hear. I am dazed. My hand hurts. I am in shock and not sure if I am ok. I roll down my window and then I see the car that just nailed me start to take off.

I say out loud, “oh fuck no you don’t!” I quickly call 911. The operator answers and all I can think to do is yell out the license plate number of the asshole who just hit me and is now fleeing the scene.

911: sir, calm down. what is your emergency?

me: dude just hit me and is taking off. did you hear the license number I just read?

911: yes sir, we did, do you need an ambulance?

me: so you got the number?

911: yes sir, do you need an ambulance?

me: uhhhhh, I don’t know. hold on.

I get out of the car and kind of give myself a once over to see how I am doing. I pat myself down. Outside of a small chemical burn on my hand from the airbags, I think I am ok.

me: no, I don’t need an ambulance. I don’t have health insurance, so don’t send one.

911: it wont cost you anything sir.

me: oh yes it will, I don’t need one.

So, the rest of the story goes like this. The cops tell me the license plate number I told them belongs to a sedan, so the plate is obviously fake and the car is stolen. They also make it clear that they don’t really give a fuck and aren’t going to try and find the people who smashed into me. So, that is awesome.

The next thing is kind of unbelievable and retarded all at the same time. For the past 10 years I have had the same car insurance. Since I lost my job, we needed to try and save some money, so I switched insurance companies. Literally the day of the accident, at noon, our insurance switched over. To try and save a little more money, I only got liability on the car that was hit. It was an older car and I wasn’t sure how much longer it had left, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. So, I get home, call the insurance, only to find they wont pay for anything. If the dude that hit me had stuck around and not had insurance, my insurance would have covered it, but since he is a criminal piece of shit, who took off, I get nothing. So, we are down a car.

The VERY next day. I am at work. Someone backs up into my other car in the parking lot putting a huge dent in the side of the car. This time however, the people who hit my car actually came inside and gave me their info.

So, I am shaken up to say the least. So I take the rest of the night off.

Fast forward to this last week. I get my water bill, open it up and it is $220. It is $20 more than my electric and gas bill combined, and it is the middle of winter. So the water company comes out to take a look into what is going on, because obviously something is wrong. Well, it turns out that there is a leak in my water line, and it happens to be the line that is on my property, so I am responsible for fixing it.

Fuck.

Calls are made. Trenches are dug. Pipes are pulled. All in all, out $2500. I couldn’t even afford it, so once again I had to call my dad and ask him for help, and even my wife’s parents chipped in to help foot the bill. Honestly, I don’t know what we would do the past few months if it wasn’t for our families help.

So this was kind of a bitch-fest of a post, but I just needed to get it all down and purge my system of it.

Yes, I am lucky to be alive. Yes, I am lucky that I have another job. Yes I am lucky to have a wife and family that continuously support me. Yes I am lucky to have running water and not a giant sinkhole in my front yard.

Is the glass half empty or is the glass half full? Sometimes it is hard to even realize there is glass with something in it lately.

All I know is we are fucking due for something good.